Fighting fair

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Ephesians 4:29

I’ve never encountered conflict and anger such as I have over the past few days. And I realize that I have no idea how to fight or spar. I find myself lashing out and using whatever words come to mind. Hurtful, spiteful words that I don’t even mean.

It never occurred to me that there are such things as ground rules in conflicts and arguments. But of course it makes sense. There should be. I’ve just never considered that before until this morning.

Fighting fair is the only way to handle conflict in a relationship. Otherwise, that relationship or friendship or business partnership is going to suffer irreparable damage.

Flinging words that hurt does not accomplish anything toward resolution. If you value the relationship and want to preserve it, it is important to keep words in check. Once spoken, they cannot be taken back.

Face the issues. Talk about how you feel. Don’t bring up a litany of past mistakes. Wear a mouth guard.

You’ll never reconcile differences if you are both on the defensive. Learn to attack issues and not each other. Placing blame will just push you away from each other.

Instead, try to own your feelings and express them without letting them take over. Your feelings are valid. They are yours and no one can dispute them.

The focus is to fight fair so as to come to a quick resolution while keeping the relationship strong.

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”  Carl W. Buechner

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